I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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