I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
