Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
