I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
