she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
