I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
