You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
The beer is more important than you right now.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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