If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
