He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
