Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
