here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
