Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
