worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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