she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
