How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
