I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
