I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
