I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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