I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
