Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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