I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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