it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
