I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
