I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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