So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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