Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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