video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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