thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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