If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
