There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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