I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
