I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
