He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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