there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
