Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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