We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You left your phone here
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