Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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