you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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