Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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