Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
