ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
