first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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