Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
