we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
