I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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