dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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