apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
