Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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