Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Bring me that man meat
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
