I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
