Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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