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We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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