It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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