I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize