I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
