it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
