mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
