i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
