Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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