I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
