dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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