Christians are straight up FREAKS
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
