I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
