sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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