You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
