We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I need to stop coming to work sober
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
