just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
