we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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