he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
