Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
