i permit you to call me
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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