She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
