The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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