we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
