Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
