Will you blow on my dice?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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