she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
