So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
