If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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