LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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