we have pet lesbian snakes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
