he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
you made out with another girl for some wings
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
