Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
