We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
