I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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