we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
